Farewell to a Jealous Lover

By John M. Willis

VA Medical Center-North Little Rock, AR

Veterans’ Voice, Fall 1997

I know you don’t believe me when I say it’s over. Even now, after two years, you expect me to turn to you when I am lonely, or feeling depressed, but I swear I will never again embrace you. I will not turn my life over to you; no matter what the future brings I will face it without you.

At first it seemed strange living without you. I remember been together so long—thirty-some years. I remember when we first met. I was in the Navy, young, proud, impressionable and resplendent in my dress uniform. You were mysterious and alluring. I did not think that a little harmless flirtation would hurt anyone, and in the beginning, it didn’t.

For a short while we had an off and on affair. Then I tried to leave you for someone else, but you would not let any woman take your place in my life. It was only then that I realized your power, and the control you had over me. For year you influenced everything I did. The jobs I held or lost, the relationships I formed were all subject to your whims. You alienated me from my family, and everyone who threatened your hold on me. Finally, you began to alienate me from life itself.

                I could no longer live with you, and I could not imaging living without you- I was not strong enough. I began thinking that death was the only answer, then when my life seemed at its worst and my future its darkest, I met a woman who told me there was another way, but I could not do it alone.

              She told me there were people who wanted to help me, and they could show me how to break away from your deadly embrace. All I had to do was be humble enough to admit that you were in control of my life and ask for help.

            It wasn’t easy. You were always there waiting for me. Thoughts for you constantly ran through my mind. After being free from you a few days, you once again seemed attractive. I didn’t remember the bad times, I only remembered how you made me feel when our relationship was young, but my new friends helped me through those difficult times until I could see you realistically.

              I know you will never be far from me. You’ll always be there to take me back and claim my soul once again if I do not keep you at bay, day by day, but I do not have to do it alone. I have a Higher Power and friend to help me.

            Now, my jealous lover, with this all said, I bid you farewell, Drug Addiction.

P.S I hope I did not break any laws. I read this essay and I typed it again on word and share it with you. I hope you back me up in court.